Is Marriage Necessary? (1947), written by a divorce court judge, is a profound and emotional examination of marriage, its evolving nature, and its challenges. This book doesn’t shy away from the raw, messy truths about human relationships and the vulnerabilities they expose. It reflects on love, societal expectations, and the frailty of human emotions, offering lessons that feel timeless and urgent.
it is a mirror that reflects the vulnerabilities and triumphs of human relationships. It challenges readers to think deeply about love, commitment, and the responsibilities that come with marriage. Whether you’re married, considering marriage, or simply curious, this book will leave you with a profound sense of understanding and empathy for the complexities of love. It’s a tough, emotional read, but one that everyone should experience.
Marriage in a Changing World
The book begins by acknowledging how human progress often outpaces the law, and marriage, like all institutions, has changed with the times. It vividly illustrates how the modern woman is no longer bound by outdated norms—she is a citizen, a partner, a mind, and not just a body or property. This evolution has brought both empowerment and complexity, shifting the dynamics of marriage into uncharted territory.
The author challenges readers to think beyond traditional definitions of marriage. He paints it as more than a legal or religious contract—it’s a deeply personal and often flawed human experience. And while marriage can be sacred, its value is rooted in harmony, mutual respect, and understanding, not just ceremony or societal expectation.
The Lack of Preparation for Marriage
Perhaps the most heartbreaking truth in the book is the lack of preparation people receive for marriage. The author compares it to becoming a surgeon without formal training—learning only from failures, outdated teachings, and fragmented stories. This analogy struck me deeply, as it underscores how little we truly understand about the complexities of marriage until we are in it, often struggling to figure things out alone.
Marriage, as the book explains, isn’t just about love—it’s about individual temperament, self-control, character, and emotional resilience. These factors make every marriage unique, with no one-size-fits-all solution. The author’s plea for marriage education feels urgent, as he describes how many couples stumble blindly into one of life’s most profound commitments.
The Bitter Reality of Divorce
The book doesn’t shy away from the ugliness of divorce. Published in 1947, it reflects the trends of the time, noting that most divorces occurred within the third to fifth years of marriage, often due to cruelty or emotional disconnect. The author argues that it’s better to dissolve ties that lack emotional justification, though he also believes marriage as an institution must be protected and elevated.
The stories from the courtroom are harrowing and raw. The greed, anger, and bitterness revealed in divorce proceedings show just how far love can fall. Yet, there’s a deep humanity in these tales—of people clinging to the fragments of love or letting go in hopes of finding peace. One woman married just 11 minutes after her divorce was finalized. Another bride cried on her wedding day, consumed by fears of divorce even as she pledged forever. These moments force readers to confront the fragile line between love and despair.
Marriage as a Balancing Act
The author describes marriage as a “colloid state”—a delicate balance that requires constant care and compromise. He warns against the dangers of ownership and the loss of individuality, arguing that human nature resists control. For marriage to work, both partners must respect each other’s autonomy and be willing to meet each other halfway.
The book also touches on the importance of economic factors, which are often underestimated but can make or break a marriage. Whether it’s too much money or too little, financial stress can amplify existing tensions and erode trust. These observations feel painfully relevant even today.
A Timeless Reflection
What struck me most is how little has changed since 1947. The issues raised in the book—lack of preparation, unrealistic expectations, and the emotional toll of marriage—are as relevant now as they were then. The stories of cruelty, sacrifice, and human frailty show that, while society may evolve, the essence of love and relationships remains the same.
The author’s observation that each generation becomes more sensitive, finding the pleasures of the past intolerable, resonated deeply. It’s a reminder that our expectations of love and marriage are shaped by the time we live in, and we must adapt accordingly.
Personal Reflection
Reading this book left me overwhelmed, yet grateful for the lessons it offers. I don’t know if I can definitively say whether marriage is necessary—it’s not a question I feel equipped to answer. But what I do know is that marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It requires more than love; it demands patience, self-awareness, and a deep understanding of both you and your partner.
As someone who hopes to marry one day, I’m not against marriage. But I’ve learned from this book to take my time, to carefully consider who I’m choosing to build a life with, and to ensure I understand myself before entering such a profound commitment. Compatibility is crucial, but so is mutual respect, trust, and a willingness to grow together.
I wholeheartedly agree with the author that marriage education is essential. It’s a lifelong commitment that most of us are unprepared for, and the silence of married couples—keeping their struggles private—leaves others to stumble through without guidance. Marriage is deeply personal, but it’s also a universal experience that we all stand to learn from.
This book is one I would recommend to everyone, whether married or unmarried. There are lessons here that can’t be summarized; they must be experienced through the author’s words and the raw, honest stories he shares. For me, the biggest takeaway is this: love alone cannot sustain a marriage. It takes work, understanding, and the courage to confront the realities of life together.